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Ann McLeod Taylor
Daughter, Wife, Mother, Mother-In-Law and Grandmother.
RN, Midwife, C.B.E., L.C. Hypnotherapist. Nat Therapist and occ. Doula.

(from the Dictionary)
Family = Parents and their child or children; one’s children; group descended from a common ancestor.

Birth has always been a family tradition. Partners make love to conceive a child, the mother carries, nurtures and births the baby and brings them up with the help of the family. It was the accepted practice that the elder males acted as protectors, while the elder women supported, comforted and encouraged the birthing mother. Young family members were just there, playing, watching and learning. No need to worry about the children or to find baby sitters. Birth was no big issue it is just a small part of life. What were a few hours to a day out of the whole of your life? Only a very small part.

Our society has changed through the ages, and due to the breakdown of the family units, the loss of the extended village family, and the apparent increased need for privacy in modern man, seems to have created a need for Authority to teach and make decisions for him ( her). I find it very bizarre and very sad to think that we have survived since Adam and Eve with the support of family but in the last few hundred years we have forgotten, what is basically a natural event. Men were designed to get us pregnant and we were designed to carry a pregnancy and at the right time to birth our baby and feed it, nurturing it with the help of family. Modern medicine is of great value if things do not go right.

The beauty of birth has became a silent, fearful, dreaded and very lonely event. We handed over our innate knowledge and power to others to manage our lives, because we have lost the trust in our own wisdom and bodies. These days our birthing is a frightening time with only our partner as our one familiar face, in a sea of unknown faces, our place of birth is a room with many frightening and unknown “gizmoes“. So is it then any wonder we grab on to our specialised service providers as a lifeline, at least we may have known them for 8 months but in reality, we may only seen them at the most for about 2-3 hours out of all that time. How can we form a close and trusting bond in so short a time? The midwives, whom we usually only meet on the day, can have a great and lasting effect on our outlook of birth, and the outcome.

How much nicer would it be to be able to have a supportive family around you at this very special time. A mum to stroke your hair as she did when you were a child, to tell you how wonderful you are, and yes she had that discomfort when she had you, to get you drinks, and hot packs, and encourage movement and nourishment. A partner who knows his load of responsibility is eased and he can see what settles you, and how he can help, to have a father around to calm the male nerves, and be someone your partner can talk to. Remember your parents looked after you as a baby and your body holds no secrets from them. They also know what you would have had to been up to, to get into this situation, remember they too have been in the same place.

How wonderful it would be for your child or children to be around playing with toys or patting you on the bottom and asking if you were ok. Guess what, you would be so busy worrying about not making noises that might petrify your child that you would sail through you labour. If however, you made noises for a few moments every few minutes it would be easy enough to explain to your child that you were singing a special song to your new baby, and ask your child to not say anything while you were singing. Most children would be happy enough to accept your explanation.

If you have made your pregnancy a normal part of life and discussed it with your other children, regardless of their age and comprehension, I am sure that having them in the birthing room with you would not seem strange to them. It has been well documented that when the family are together at or just after the birth, have a much closer bonding, and they exhibit much less sibling rivalry

Let's be honest most of them have seen you in bed, on the loo and in the shower, they have seen you dressed up to the nines and at your “daggiest” worst, hot sweaty and bad tempered. So what is new?

Will they watch you, to see what you are doing,? Of course they will, don’t they watch you at home doing new things. So what’s new.

Will they get bored and move on to other things? You bet. So, again what is new.

Will they get anxious with new people wondering in and out, especially if those people fail to acknowledge them? Sure they would, same as they would at home. Again what is new.

At home when you try to do things behind their backs, don’t they always find out and want to see what you are up to? And annoy you until they are let into the secret? However if you brazenly do it in front of them without any fuss or hassle they totally ignore what is going on. Ditto in birth suits. What’s new.

A few toys, some one familiar (family) to play a game or two with and some food and drinks, will usually keep little ones happy. A quiet computer game or T.V. or books, usually keeps the older ones happy. No different to being at home. So what is new.

The actual birth in itself only lasts a few minutes, and really the children are only excited because everyone else is. They, also, only get frightened when we do.

We need to realise that while we, as adults, class our breasts and genitalia as “our private bits” and never to be seen , but to a child (who has no sexual awareness) they are just parts of a body and not sacred at all.

Do many women bring their children to Labour Ward? sadly not many. Often only if labour progresses swiftly and babysitters do not make it in time. However in birthing centres and homebirths it is more common for siblings to be present and are welcomed in the birthing scene.

Did I, sadly no, I was at neither of my siblings' births, and I was on my own for both my births, although my husband was allowed to be present during my first labour, for the second I was sent to a large city hospital away from home, and he had to look after the first one.

So how can you prepare your child or children to accompany you when you birth. Some examples are:-

• Make your pregnancy a “family” affair, have all the family talk to baby, touch your tummy, from when it is very small right up to the birth. Show pictures of babies development, and explain what is happening.
• Have the “family” accompany you for the prenatal visits and scans.
• Involve the family in preparing your home for babies arrival, even the smallest family member likes to feel important by being given a “job”, appropriate to their age.
• Have the siblings choose a present for the new faby.
• Also have something from the new faby to them, packed away for the day.
• Constantly explain how the new faby will fit into the family dynamics, and that as the baby will need lots of extra attention in the early weeks and how the siblings can assist to make baby feel welcome.
• When doing anything just say “ when baby is here, this.is how we will do………………….”
  “When I go into labour, this may happen ….. and this is what we may do……….”
  “This is who we may have with us……. And this is what is expected of you”
• Visit friends (when convenient) who have new babies, show them animals and their offspring so they can get the connections.
• Read or go over books with them and there are many on the market. A really lovely one that I have is “Hello Baby” by Jenny Overend.
• On “B” Day explain, explain and explain, calm and comfort the siblings including your partner, and make sure you have someone, whom the children know and trust, with you who can look after them while you and your partner are working through your labour.
• Don’t forget their familiar toys, books games, and nourishment.

Mothers are great teachers, constantly showing on a daily basis how things are or should be done. Having your child or children with you in labour or at your birthing is a wonderful bonding experience for the whole family. It is a great way to spread the word that birth is a wonderful and natural process for a girl. It is the most incredible gift we can give our family. It is also a way of helping to normalise birth, a normal event that has been happening since Eve ate the apple. Happy birthing with family support.