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Ann McLeod Taylor
Daughter, Wife, Mother, Mother-In-Law and Grandmother.
RN, Midwife, C.B.E., L.C. Hypnotherapist. Nat Therapist and occ. Doula.

To allow baby to cry or pick baby up and risk spoiling and making a rod for own back? It is the question which has divided people for much of our modern history. Usually it is other people who like to make the rules and as the baby's parents we are encouraged to believe their wisdom and not trust our own. “They” forget that they are not in the situation , they are on the outside deprived of the essential emotional bonding. Our natural instinct of survival is being eroded by others interference.

We find our sole mate and as nature intended we birth the product of our love. Babies are born so small and helpless so that we can learn to look after then before they become too demanding. Being so small and defenseless we fall in love with them and they with us so both learn to trust and teach each other as to what is needed. How would it be if we birthed agro teenagers or adults that did not need us? Nature intended us as parents to learn from our babies what their individual needs are and how to respond. It is impossible to spoil a newborn baby.

Imagine what it would have been like if we had lived in the past before we had anyone to teach us anything. How did we find a mate with such a small population living in such a vast world? But we did and pregnancy was accepted a natural part of life. We would have continued with our natural chores according to how we felt without the worry of being too big or too small. When labour commenced, knowing that this was not a normal everyday occurrence and feeling rather vulnerable, but needing to feel free of interference, the new mother to be would have gone to find a place of safety, away from the normal conditions. To find such a place, may have taken some time for a first time mother, but having found such a place she would have birthed her baby, in peace and in the way she felt most comfortable, and because there was no interferences the new mother would have trusted her own instincts. Without interference she would have had the time to look with wonder at the perfect little being, she had created and produced, to look and fall in love, to touch and feel this little being, to have this little person, with the inbuilt skills for survival, squirm and wriggle to get closer to her and eventually teach her the mother how to feed. Baby would have stayed close to the mother all the time for security, protection, feeding, nurturing and loving. By being close to the mother at all times the mother would learn what every squirm and movement of the baby meant and how to respond. Imagine being so in tune with your baby that you did not need to have your baby in a nappy, 24/7 ????

A baby should not need to scream hysterically to get our attention. We, as adults, scream to call attention to the fact we are in danger and need help to survive, so to with a baby. We should go to see what our baby needs when they first start calling out with soft coo’s, and by attend their needs early we are giving our babies the message that they are a valued member of our family and as time goes on both Mother and baby will learn whether their calls are just to check that we around their area or if they need our assistance or if it is their way of settling off to sleep. When our baby starts making noises, we will automatically do a mental check list, when did I last feed , what time of day or night is it, could it be wet or dirty, is it cold or hot, is it lonely, miserable or just uncomfortable. We could try in the middle of the night to say “O.K. I’m here” half asleep but here, which may suffice, or at least give you a little bit longer asleep, you could try cuddling baby up a little closer, in case they are cold or uncomfortable or lonely, or still half asleep, you could attach them to the breast, and let them feed as our ancestors would have done. It is much harder to have to get out our warm bed to go and check on them in another room, and we may have missed their early cryies, and they are now very distressed and will take longer to settle.

Baby will tell you every thing you need to know. They can start by licking their lips and drooling in anticipation of a meal to sucking their fingers or hands before crying to remind you to feed them, when they are full they will spit out the breast and terminate the feed. They may need a little prompting to finish their feed as they get a little sleepy from the hormones in the milk, and doze off to sleep. They will want to feed longer and more frequently to increase your milk supply to their needs as they grow, but as they become stronger and more effective feeders and your breasts become more efficient at making and letting down the milk the length of the feed becomes shorter. Let baby direct the procedure with only a little guidance from us. They may not go to sleep straight away after a feed but have quiet alert time, placid and content. A short while later they may start becoming a little unsettled and whingy, may be shaking their heads and punching the air before they start crying, this is usually a tired signal, and a good time to put them to bed before they get too hysterical, and then much harder to settle. Some babies sleep quietly on their backs, may by with their hands above their heads, so cute. Many babies like a routine to go to sleep with, a kiss, a cuddle a song or a story to tell them that this is bed time. Yes, right from the start. Some babies seem to become anxious and unsettled, throwing their hands in the air banging the sides of the cot and themselves, becoming more and more distressed. These babies need to be picked up immediately, cuddled, talked to in a soothing voice, rocked and or patted. Some will then settle but frequently some of these babies need wrapping firmly in a light baby wrap. Wrap baby, cuddle and sooth, put baby into the cot and cover with , a tucked in sheet or blanket (depending on weather), pat baby gently at heart beat rate on the bottom or rock the cot gently, until baby is almost asleep, and gently slow down the rate of movement and allow baby to gradually drift off on their own.

Babies are only a small edition of our selves, and if we treat our babies as we would like to be treated, we will end up having happier, healthier and more content babies. Because they are so secure of our love and support they are therefore more independent, have a solid sense of self-esteem and are happy children. Which is ultimately all we as parents want of and for our children. Let us enjoy this wonderful time with these precious little people, so that what we teach them, they will pass on to their children, and we will then benefit from, in our old age, when the love we gave to one is returned with interest.